But it's Pittsburgh. I have friends in Pittsburgh. I care about what they do here, even if this is a TEC church and should therefore no longer be my concern. And really, I wanted to hold out the opinion that maybe this wasn't as tacky, pedantic and condescending as it looked.
I'm sorry. I was wrong. I would very much like to say that I was wrong in my assumption that a "Seusscharist" was a bad idea. That's not the kind of wrong I was. Calvary now has their liturgy, all of it, online here. I can't say I've read it all. So far I've not gotten past the "readings." But here's an excerpt:
The Collect for Purity, those ancient words "to you all hearts are open, all desires known and from you no secrets are hid" has become this:
to you all hearts are open wide,
All of our want-wanting in you we confide
and from you our secrets we just can not hide:
Clean the thinks of our thumpers
And we shall be happy jump-jumpers.
So, by the help of your Holy Ghost,
Your Name we may deservingly boast;
through Christ our Lord. Amen.
I think I'm going to vomit in my striped hat.
Words fail, again when the first lection is the Book of Yertle the Turtle (no kidding) and for those of us on the ACNA side of the ugly divide that brings to mind a rather less than glamorous blog post from Jim Simons of TEC-PGH likening our Bishop Duncan to that same tyrannical turtle. I shall spare you that link. Hopefully Calvary's connection there was coincidence, but it makes my stomach roll just to think on it.
If you can handle more, the "Confession" is certainly note-worthy:
God, we have wronged you
And we need to say boo-hoo
For the things we did and didn’t do
We are not content
we want to repent
One hundred percent
Oh so sorry we say
Won’t you forgive us this day;
So we can walk in your way
All Powerful God have mercy on yous
And forget the sins of we Whos
Keep you from all strife
And lead you into new life
I'm sorry friends in TEC. I don't know what to say, what comfort to offer. With regard to Seusscharist, my mamma done taught me...
if I can't say anything nice, I musn't say anything at all.
I remain speechless.