"Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." Paul to the persecuted at Philippi (2:5-11)

19 September 2017

Exercising your salvation....

Recently in a Greek reading group, we wrangled a little with the idea of "working out your salvation with fear and trembling" in a way that reflects that the work is God's but we have a part in it, too.  We tossed around "live out" and "work out" as ideas needing to come together.  I came up with "exercise" which seemed trite and possibly weird, but the group liked it and the more we wrestled with it, the more I like my own idea, too.

Exercise it.  Like a workout in the gym.  Use what you've got, it didn't come from you.  Work out what God is working in.

All of those could be really lame church signs, but I'll take that for now.

In the background hum here is the bishops' statement, that came out at about the same time, on women's ordination (to the priesthood).  These weren't tied together at first but I've tossed them concurrently in my mind enough that they are now.

First a comment on the WO-P statement itself.  It is deeply disappointing.  On the one hand, it announces that there is not scriptural warrant for the practice to be held as a standard but, hey, we're going to do it anyway.  Way to throw ordained women under the bus (and since the statement makes little to no distinction about whether we are talking about women priests or deacons, though everyone kind of knows they mean priests, the mess is double.)

In fairness, here's the quote: "However, we also acknowledge that this practice is a recent innovation to Apostolic Tradition and Catholic Order. We agree that there is insufficient scriptural warrant to accept women’s ordination to the priesthood as standard practice throughout the Province. However, we continue to acknowledge that individual dioceses have constitutional authority to ordain women to the priesthood."

I have long been an advocate for a risky all-in study of women's ordination, first to the diaconate (which we can settle more easily but also remains an open question among various parts of the ACNA) and then to the priesthood. I am convinced enough of the foundation of my call to risk it, both for the good of the Church and for the good of the Order.  I believe there is sufficient scriptural evidence for the practice and to say there is not without really reconciling the question is as damaging as to say there is and must be for all.  While the desire to protect the consciences of those who disagree is essential to our Christian formation, so must be the desire to protect the dignity of the order and to those ordained to it.

Furthermore, just saying, "Well we carried it over from TEC, so we're stuck with it" is disingenuous.  Our ordained women deserve to live and serve without the shadow of rebellion in their ordination vows.  That can only be done in honest theological evaluation, risk taking, mutual submission, and seriously radical Christian discernment.

To date, few involved on either side seem willing to be wrong.

Which brings me back to Philippians.  Treat one another as more important than yourselves.

My experience is that we do this, at least as far as we are able to discern the need.  I have several friends who are vocally anti-women's ordination sometimes including to the diaconate.  I have never been treated disrespectfully.  I am usually welcomed in conversations, fellowship, even real Christian friendship, though I walk around as a woman in a collar.  I will not label those who are against women's ordination as misogynists.  Let the true misogynists have their title and don't dilute it by applying it to those who simply disagree, whose consciences may be more delicate.

How can I not be a stumbling block to those brothers (and sisters)?

So I am writing to ask one not-so-simple thing of each "side" in the discussion, based off Paul's command for mutual submission.  Each is something one side is uniquely poised to give the other.  Hang with me.  Not all of it is fun....

1. Ordained women... speak up for those who do not accept you. Guard their consciences as you would your own.  These are your brothers. Give them voice.

2.  Anti- WO advocates... don't just give lip service to needing to support women in ministry.  Recognize that the College of Bishops' statement in that regard felt to many of us condescending, like a pat on the head.  (Women hate that feeling!)  Do not assume that supporting women's ministry means women's groups (most of them are awful and many of us do not care two licks about being "Keepers of the home") , convents and religious orders (we don't want to be cloistered either... not at home, not at all), and coffee hour.  Recognize that when the COB is all male, there needs to be a way for women's voices to be heard among them.  Right now, most task forces and leadership bodies are mostly male run and led.  Send women to seminary.  Carve out places for women leaders.  Hire us.  Give us voice.

3.  Both sides... be willing to be wrong.  Even at great personal risk.  Ordination is not a right.  This is not about social justice.  Nobody has a right to be ordained.  This is about being faithful, putting the Church first, the whole Church... not just the part you like.  You're talking about the Bride of Christ here, and in this argument you must recognize that she has been abused, battered, and bruised in recent history by both sides.

There is a way forward.  It just isn't the obvious and well worn path.

26 July 2017

When near becomes a noun.

The French have a word for it, "proche."  Its an adjective and it translates pretty directly to the English adjective near.  If something or someone is close by, it is proche.  But unlike in English, proche also becomes a noun.  Best I read it, its a word for those people who are near us, too near to simply be friends, but not relatives by any temporal accounting.  The closest we might come in the Church is being brothers and sisters in Christ, but then, that still doesn't grasp the idea.  Jesus had twelve disciples, but only Peter, James and John seemed to be his proches. These are the people close to the heart, the only ones a true introvert can call "friends" without wincing at the weight of that word, the family beyond the familial.

Beth was my proche.   I don't have many.  Despite blogging and teaching and jumping headlong into more ministry that I can sometimes handle, I am a very private person.  So was Beth.  We were seminarians together, but not really friends then.  We knew and liked one another but Beth was the sort of person you had to cultivate before you could use the word friend, she opened up only slowly. 

We were adjunct instructors together.  By that time we were indeed friends, and when I needed someone to vent a frustration to, ask advice of, celebrate a minor publication with, or complain about the lack of a steady gig to, she was there.   She got me.  I didn't have to explain in order for us to share the humor in our situation.  We thought and taught in some ways quite alike.  I remember one term teaching New Testament and she had a bunch for Church History, when I mentioned I was assigning my students a large timeline project.  So was she.  The poor students- we shared a significant overlap in course list- had two big timelines in the works.  We both wanted them to have tools for ministry when they were done.  They, on the other hand, were probably anticipating due dates rather than ministry.

We were moms together, homeschooling two fifteen year olds born a week apart.  Sometimes they got along, my son and her daughter, in their shared geeky interests.  Sometimes they profoundly did not.  It didn't matter, we shared curricula, ideas, and frustrations equally whether our kids appreciated the relationship we had built for them or not.

Beth passed away yesterday.   It took twenty years of cultivating a friendship with Beth-  she even measured her time in PA by how old (and tall, and eventually bearded) the infant I was holding when she met me grew-  but she let me walk a rough road with her the last couple of years.  She hugged me when I lost my dad (2000) and I hugged her when she lost her mom (2015).  She shared her struggles and I shared mine.  We laughed together when she lost her hair to chemo and it came back with the curls both of us wanted from childhood.  We prayed together in her last days. 

We blogged together too. She's over at Endless Books (on my blogroll) and she was far more the verbal craftswoman than I. 

Bon voyage ma proche et à Dieu.

25 June 2017

A book review

Some sweet friends gave me a pretty little notebook for Christmas.  Its the kind of notebook that you don't really want to take notes in.  Its the kind of notebook that makes me feel like my thoughts detract from the book rather than add to it.  Were I an artist, the unlined pages would no doubt be filled with elegant sketches and some day when I grew old and grey(er) my grandchildren would marvel at the talent in that pretty little notebook. 

But I'm no artist.  And so I was left with the question of what should I put in a notebook that would not be disposable.  What notes would I want to keep?  And so I decided to keep a running list of books I have read, starting January of this year, titles and authors. 

Entry #22: Girls of Atomic City by Denise Kiernan

I wonder if I am reading more books now that I am recording them, competing with the empty pages of a blank notebook.  Nonetheless, Girls of Atomic City captivated me.

Atomic City, for those who may not have guessed, was Oak Ridge, Tennessee.  I grew up on the other side of Anderson County from Oak Ridge, but my father remembered growing up in Oak Ridge itself, when it was indeed a secret city.  It was on no maps in its early days, and you had to have government credentials to come and go. 

According to Kiernan, nobody in Oak Ridge talked, not even among themselves, about what they did there in the early days.  My grandfather never did.  I asked my mother recently, as she was always close to her father-in-law, if he had ever shared those details with her.  He had not.  I do know that the family arrived in Oak Ridge sometime between late 1942 (my father was not born there) and 1948 (when I have a dated letter by my grandfather detailing his thoughts to a patent lawyer).  I know they had left by 1953, when my uncle would have graduated from Norris High School. 

The women in Kiernan's narrative often arrived in Oak Ridge without knowing where they were going or what work they would do there.  It may have been Oak Ridge where my grandmother moved into a house she'd never seen, but I have no other details about my own family's arrival there. 

I have an address (from the same 1948 letter) on East Drive.  That is all.  Kiernan describes the "Cemestos" (asbestos and cement composite) houses intended to last only a few years, though many still stand and house families, like that house on East Drive.  Alphabet houses, given letter names for the size and style of the houses, I wonder how my grandfather rated a "D" house.  (A houses were the smallest.) 

So now when I find pictures of Oak Ridge, I wonder who those nameless people are... women in a store (does she have my grandmother's nose? could we be related?) boys building a soap-box derby style airplane (could that be my uncle?) 

Kiernan's women were real women, many still living when her book was published in 2011.  Their stories of mud, "hutments," radiation, and secrecy have me captivated.  I wish I could interview my own Atomic City family and hear their own stories.

02 June 2017


My grandfather was a coal miner.
With all that comes with it.
Black lung, mine rebellions, violent endings
both to the rebellions and to human lives.
Family photos of young men in caskets,
when there was no war abroad.
Poverty, feuds, wizened grandmothers,
mountain men.
My grandfather was a union organizer.
A migrant worker
after he left the mines.
He went where the money was.
Cincinnati, New York, Radford, Oak Ridge.
An air raid warden,
leaving my grandmother frightened in the darkness
with two small boys,
while he roamed the town,
attending to the compliance of other homes.
An old man, stooped over, chewing tobacco,
he wanted more for his sons.

A quick mind, sparkling eyes, he wanted more for our world.
My grandfather was a backyard inventor--
a water engine, clean technology.
Safety and efficiency.
He would have been fascinated by your smart phone.
He would have marveled at your hybrid vehicle.
Solar roofing tiles would have delighted him.
He would have reveled in an Ohio River safe work and play.
He would have been shocked by your loyalty to the coal that slowly kills. 

My grandfather used to say,
"We can never destroy the earth,
We will only destroy ourselves first."
My grandfather was a coal miner.
But my father was an engineer. 

19 April 2017

Daffodil Sijo

Frais et bien parfumé, les jonquilles fleurissent sous le soleil
Ils ouvrent leurs petits boutons et les couleurs de jaune, blanche, orange
Éclatent dans un foule de fleurs, *pik, pik, pik* je les cueillis.  

Fresh and fragrant, daffodils blooming in the bright sunshine -
They open their little buds in vibrant yellows, white, and orange-
Bursting forth in a riot of blooms, *clip, clip, clip* a bouquet.

03 February 2017

Becoming friends

When I was young, teachers were teachers. They lived at the school, as far as we were concerned, and surely had no other interests than the subject they taught. Sometimes they would tell us that they had families, but part of us never really believed that. They were unseen and therefore not part of our reality.

The only difference was Mrs. Thurman, whose daughter had been in my class since first grade. I had been in their home. We played Trivial Pursuit. She made spaghetti with actual meatballs (something I thought only existed in the movie Lady and the Tramp and was surely too good to be true). She was also my ninth grade geometry teacher. And frankly, that was a little weird. But it was only weird for an hour or so a day, at the beginning of the year. Then I compartmentalized Mrs. Thurman again, with teacher this time instead of friend's mom. It was okay.

I had teachers I adored, but they were still teachers. They had no first names. Their mothers surely named them Mister and Missus at birth. I had teachers I did not quite adore, too, but they also were teachers. They were on the dark side.

Pastors were the same. Our pastor from the time I was twelve (until the time in my teens that I left for Anglicanism) took an interest in kids. He took us on retreats and outings. He was interested in leather working and golf. We got to know him. Still, he was our pastor. When our assisting pastor went to work for the region, he moved compartments in my mind. It was dissonant. He was the regional youth pastor, but we had some claim on him, surely, because he had been our pastor. My brother thought he looked like Jesus.

That worked through college. Professors, no matter how closely you worked alongside them, were still professors. And their mothers named them Mister, Doctor, Missus, Mizz. Surely. Very fore-thoughtful mothers, no doubt.

Then seminary happened and our professors were called by their first names. Allen, Rod, Ann. Still, they were professors. They lived in that category of teacher.

Except I went to church with Ann. And somewhere along way I had need to call her at home for something, which seemed at the time like a terrible no-no. You don't call your professor at home. That's why they have offices.

Our priest was supposed to be the same way. Priest, professional Christian who lived at Church the way teachers lived at school. Okay, by then I knew better. I had friends who were priests. But I had yet to have my own parish priest as my friend. Teachers and priests had not yet broken down the walls of their compartments.

And now, old person that I am. They have. Tonight I sat with Ann at dinner, not because she's my former Greek professor, but because she's my friend. We share hobbies together I'd never have expected (she knits, I spin... so we make stuffed sheep together to celebrate special people in our lives) and can call one another just to say hello. Heavens, she texts me. (And I her, of course.) I'd have never dreamed. And we were at dinner to celebrate that same parish priest, whose birthday is today, who broke that wall between priest and friend. Many have since, of course.

I still keep walls, because I am a pretty private person (who blogs, people are full of contradictions) at heart. But childhood me would have never thought of pastors and teachers on the inside part of that boundary line.

I still can't call my childhood teachers by their first names. But I have come to realize that one of the joys of growing up, and yes, growing older, is to come to know people as the multifaceted wonders that they are.

18 October 2016

Fallen leaves

Oh, hello, blog. Its been a while. My fault.

A memory.... I remember, I must have been about ten or twelve, a hike in the woods with my dad. In the snow. Dad would take us on a hike around the property, 42 undeveloped acres, like a king on progress through his realm. This time it was just him and me. I don't ever remember any other snow-hike, just the one. In the home stretch, dad looked down and saw a leaf, bright red and oval with a perfect point at the tip, sitting neatly on the fresh snow. "Look. You don't see that very often." He picked it up and handed it to me. I held on to it, for the rest of the walk, or so I thought. But when we arrived home, somehow, from my mittened hand, the leaf had slipped away. I never see red oval leaves on the ground without thinking of that. People, like leaves, slip away, too often unnoticed, no matter how firmly we think we hold on.

En français:

Un mémoire. Je me souviens- peut-être j’avais dix ou douze ans, une excursion dans le bois avec mon père. C’était dans la neige. Souvent, Papa nous emmenait pour marcher à pied autour de la propriété, quarante-deux acres vierges, comme un roi qui fait le défilé à travers son royaume. Cette fois, c’était seulement mon père et moi. Maintenant, comme une adulte, cette excursion est la seule dans la neige dont je me souviens. De quoi ?

Enfin, quand nous sommes retournés près de notre maison, Papa a regardé la neige sous ses pieds et là, il trouva une feuille rouge pourpre et pénétrante, ovale avec une pointe parfaite au bout. Doucement et soigneusement, la feuille restait sur la neige. << Regarde. Tu ne vois pas vraiment cela souvent. >> il m'a dit.

Ensuite, il prit la feuille et me la donna. Ensuite, je l’ai gardée pendant le reste de l’excursion, ou bien, je le pensais. Alors, quand nous sommes arrivés chez nous, je ne sais pas comment, de ma main mouflée, la feuille avait disparu.

Ces jours-ci, je ne regarde jamais les feuilles rouges et ovales sur la terre sans penser à cela. Et, alors, je comprends que les gens, comme les feuilles, peuvent disparaître, inaperçus, même que nous pensons que nous essayons de saisir.