But over the years, I've decided that it might be nice to have a phone that can actually do a few neat tricks. Knowing my touch-screen-fingers-of-doom, I bought a Blackberry. New and hot and cute and red, but with a retro actual keyboard because I can't use those touchy screen ones.
I even put a few apps on it. A map, a bible. A prayer book would be nice, but it will be a cold day in July when I pay forty bucks to Church Publishing for a 1979 BCP for my shiny new toy. Scanning the web for alternatives (anyone want to write a St. Augustine's Prayerbook App for me????) I came across this:
Instill positivity in your BlackBerry handset at St. Timothy’s Anglican Church
By Rupal | September 5th, 2010 |
Gadgets and gizmos have become the tools for developments. Smartphones have become the latest to join the technical revolution, and have provided us a way to communicate effectively and easily with our friends, family members, and colleagues. When we talk about smartphones, how can we leave behind the super cool smartphone, BlackBerry? As a BlackBerry user, you must have tried out numerous applications for the smartphone. You would have come across various applications which have allowed you to perform your work effectively and efficiently. But, have you come across such a situation, where a BlackBerry smartphone was blessed by the Church?
Well, this is going to be a reality now. Yes, you can get your BlackBerry blessed by Rev. Lisa Vaughan. Rev. Lisa Vaughan from St. Timothy’s Anglican Church will organize a prayer this Sunday. She will be there to bless people with their electronic gadgets like smartphones and laptops. The special ceremony will be free for everyone, where anyone can come up with their electronic gadgets and gizmos to get it blessed by Rev. Lisa Vaughan. St. Timothy’s Anglican Church, which is located near the Hatchet Lake, is the most famous church in the Nova Scotia province. This Sunday, you should definitely visit the famous church in Nova Scotia, and do not forget to carry your BlackBerry handset along with you.
Apparently this is not a spoof. I found it here.
The whole thing kind of reminded me of a hideously awful Christmas sermon I sat through two years in a row in which the congregation was invited to bring their favorite gift to church on Christmas day for what I cynically refer to as "the blessing of the stuff." Only it's worse; the blessing of the stuff seems, to our neighbors in Nova Scotia, to actually be trying to pass for outreach. Anyone can come to this "most famous church in Nova Scotia" and get a little "positivity" in their communication toys. I wonder will it make the battery life last longer, because I'm notorious for forgetting to charge that little thing.
Sad to see the insanity that plagues the American mainline churches has leaked northward. Sort of leaves one to wonder what we will export next.
Just thinking of the consequences:
"Bless O Lord, this flame mail, which I am about to send to my boss. May it burn brightly until he is cowed into submission. And may it have no future repercussions on my stipend or tenure with this company. Amen"
Or maybe it would forever after just shut down at any request for illicit websites.
Or maybe not.
And also the whole idea does leave one to wonder if there's holy water involved. (Please?)